Overheard Exhibit R

"Look at my poop Daddy; it's a popsicle,"

While visually accurate, this was perhaps the worst metaphor ever.

Overheard, Exhibit Q

We were out for a walk along River Road yesterday and passed a couple walking their Long-Haired Collie.  Charlotte pointed and said, "Look, that doggie looks like a lion."

Overheard Exhibit P

Charlotte has an ongoing monologue in the backseat of the car, which I don't always tune into.  But she really wanted me to hear what she had to say about her cousin Hannah on the way to school today.  Obviously it is not verbatim since I can't recall exactly what she said, and she kept going on and on and on, as is her wont.  But this is a pretty accurate representation of HannahJam 2014.

"Hannah is in Texas.  She's my friend and my cousin.  She's both at the same time. Hannah loves me and I love her.  Hannah made me a bracelet for Christmas because she loves me and I wear it because I love her.  We were playing and running in Texas and she is a really good runner. She's fast like this (insert hand motion and sound effects). I'm a good runner too but Hannah is a really good jumper and I'm not a good jumper.  I'm too little to be a good jumper like Hannah.  I do little hurdles in the living room and Hannah does big hurdles and some of the big kids fall over on the hurdles but Hannah does not."

So, clearly Charlotte's ability to compare and contrast is emerging appropriately.

And then when we were driving home, again Charlotte started up with Hannah.  It took awhile for me to figure out what she was talking about because, for me, she was talking about such an obscure memory: an errand, but with family.  This time Charlotte wanted to talk about when Charlotte, Beth, and I went to pick up Hannah after track practice over Spring Break.

And then it hit me, both times Charlotte was talking about Hannah was when we went by the Minnehaha Academy track, which clearly made her think of Hannah.  So if Charlotte does get pushed into running and people want to think it was her daddy pressuring her into the sport, remember this post: Charlotte is looking up to Hannah the Track Star as a role model, not her Has Been/Never Was Dad.

And for the record, Calvin and Sophia DO get equal play in Charlotte's monologues.  I just haven't happened to have free time to post them on the same day they occur, and then whatever was said is lost in my cluttered brain, or, more accurately, it never stuck.

The World According To Charlotte, pt 8

Charlotte was getting dressed yesterday morning and kept on talking about "in-sleeve shirts" and "out-sleeve shirts."

It didn't take long for Emily and I to figure out that Charlotte was talking about long-sleeve and short-sleeve shirts.  Your arms are in your shirt when you wear an "in-sleeve shirt" and they are out when you wear an "out-sleeve shirt."

Makes sense to me.

Overheard Exhibit P

The first thing Charlotte said today, to Emily, right after Charlotte woke up:

Someone pooped in my diaper. It might have been me.

Planning Ahead

I was wearing a running shirt as I put Charlotte to bed.  When I turned out her light she said, "I want to go running with Daddy on the Mississippi River when the snow melts down."

I can't wait.  Mostly because the snow will be melted.

Overheard, Exhibit O

Charlotte in the back of the car as we were driving home:

"Pancho is a good dog.  He needs a hug.  He's sad because the cats scared him so he needs a hug."

Whatever you say Charlotte.  When we got home, we did indeed hug Pancho, but only after cleaning up the trash he got into.

Overheard, Exhibit N

Charlotte's vision of what high school is like is a bit off.  This morning as drove past the high school by her daycare, Charlotte predicted this is in 11 years:

When I turn into a big kid I'm going to take a school bus to high school with the big kids.  Mommy and Daddy and Charlotte are going to ride the bus to school and Happy is going to stay home with Pancho.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

Kids say the darndest things.  My favorite Charlotteisms:

Sweet Potato Head for Mr. Potato Head

sun scream and butt scream for sunscreen and butt cream

alligator for elevator

Nacho's shoe fly for any fly

And in the car she is just babbling away about Lord knows what and sometimes I listen in and have no idea what the Hell she is talking about.

"The sun goes down at nighttime and eats.  He eats a snack.  He eats apple sauce and he likes it."

"When Pancho was a baby, he learned how to.... sleep."

"When I grow up, I'm going to be a kitty and daddy is going to be a doggie."

Overheard, Exhibit L

The Truth Hurts

Charlotte was "helping" me mow the lawn today.  Mowing is presently a ridiculous process right now with our reel mower and winter turning right into  to two weeks of rain.  Until this afternoon, there was a two hour window to mow the lawn during non-work hours over the past two weeks.  That was Monday when I had a meeting that ran until 5 p.m.  So the grass continued to grow at a rapid rate and over the past two days dandelions have taken off as well and are growing like, well, a weed.

It was comical as Charlotte was struggling to push her toy lawn mower through our bluegrass thicket as much as I was.  At one point she dropped her mower and started picking dandelions.

"Look at all the flowers.  Daddy growed them."

Indeed, sadly, I should take the blame for this one.  I can take a hint Charlotte.  Weed and feed is on the to do list, in 25 days, when the 40 days and 40 nights of rain finally comes to a close. 

Overheard, Exhibit K

Charlotte, to Emily, while walking into the den where her toys are:

I have to make many things out of blocks.

Update: she made a train and then a Mr. Al to ride on the train.  I guess that counts as many things.

Overheard, Exhibit J

Charlotte, when I took a picture of and the flash bulb went off:

"It a sun camera."

Potty Humor

Overheard, Exhibit I

Charlotte has been on a roll lately.

Yesterday as we were walking home from the playground, but were still within earshot of the playground, we could hear a toddler crying loudly.

Charlotte: It's a firetruck.  [imitates fire truck noise]

Overheard Exhibit H

Last night we went to Rusty Taco for dinner.  When I told Charlotte we were going to a restaurant for dinner she got excited, as per usual.  She responded by saying that we were going to get pizza, as if it were God's truth.  Wishful thinking.  

I told her we were getting tacos instead and she was totally fine with that as well... kind of.

As we were driving there, Charlotte was doing usual her stream of consciousness narrative from the back seat.  Most, but not all of it centered around Rusty Taco.  Just put this following paragraph on endless loop and you have our 15 minute drive to Rusty Taco with Charlotte summarized:

Go to a restaurant.  Mommy go to a restaurant.  Daddy go to a restaurant.  Charlotte go to a restaurant. I see a airplane.  Go to Rusty Taco together.  I see birdie.  Red light stop.  Go to Rusty Taco.  Eat a chicken.  Hi doggie.  Go to Rusty Pizza.

That's right.  About every 8th reference she made to Rusty Taco she changed to Rusty Pizza.  Way to keep the dream alive Charlotte.  But I think she moved on just fine.  Once we got there she completely devoured her taco and strawberries she brought (as an aside, only Charlotte can devour a meal and at the same time need 45 minutes to do so).    

Overheard Exhibit G

Today Charlotte and I were driving home from work/daycare.  A pick-up was in front of us as were driving down our alley and turned into its garage.  As it was turning Charlotte said, "That truck is hiding.  Peak a boo truck."

Overheard, Exhibit F

Charlotte was babbling away as per usual in her car seat during some errands today.  Usually I can figure out what she is talking about.  During this particular spurt, I could not.

"Choo Choo Bobs, go to Choo Choo Bobs.  Get undies and put a undies on.  Nice and warm.  Mommy daddy go to work."

The only context I provide you is Choo Choo Bobs is a train store she, like all toddlers, enjoys going to.  Other than that you are on your own in terms of piecing this one together.

This is What it Sounds Like

Last month, I went too see Princess, Maya Rudolph's Prince tribute band, at First Avenue.  I went with the biggest Prince fan I know, my friend Miriam, and my sister, Jessica.

Me, Miriam, and Jessica at First Ave

Princess on stage

Before you laugh, Princess is not a comedy act, but a genuine tribute to the Purple One (by the way, my friend, Rachel, says that sincerity is the new irony).  For a couple weeks before the concert I was listening to some classic 80's Prince in the car - Controversy, Purple Rain, Sign of the Times.  I was looking forward to the concert and I figured listening to loud Prince music in the car is good for babies.   I need to indoctrinate Charlotte and her future baby sister.  Of course, listening to loud Prince music in the car goes hand in hand with singing really loud in the car.   Fun for me, and hopefully setting a good example for Charlotte - don't be afraid to let go and be yourself!  So, yesterday we were driving to Easter dinner at our friend's house and Purple Rain was playing in the car while Mike and I were busy talking about something.  We could hear Charlotte singing in the back, and Mike asked if I knew what she was singing.  I listened carefully and she was singing the chorus of Purple Rain in a cute little voice.  I felt a surge of motherly pride.  Then on the way home she was singing again and I said, "oh!  I think I know what she is singing!"  She was singing The Beautiful Ones, a song that is particularly fun to sing in the car.  Here is a video of Princess singing The Beautiful Ones, fast forward to about 1:49 and watch to the end, you will see why it feels so good to belt this one out. You also will see what a bad ass Maya Rudolph as a pregnant performer.  It was inspiring.

Overheard

Scene: Charlotte and Arthur playing together at Nancy and Brian's. Enter, Lewis.

Charlotte: there's an other Arthur.

Sent from my iPhone

Overheard, Exhibit F

Emily is in Washington DC with her sister until tomorrow.  A couple of times on Saturday Charlotte said, "Mommy working."  So I explained to her that Emily was actually in Washington D.C.  She found this explanation to be as acceptable as I do when someone explains something to me over my head but I know to take them at their word (theory of relativity anyone?).

The final step to Charlotte's bedtime routine is to run to the top of the stairs and shout "Night night Mommy!" So Saturday night she did that out of habit and I reminded her that Emily was in DC and she said, "Oh" kind of like how I would say "Oh" if someone told me that time and space are relative.

Since then, Charlotte has been true to her routine but notes her mom's absence.  She will typically shout night night to whatever animal is not in the room with us or when my friend Nathan was over Sunday night, she just shouted at him.

But today for her afternoon nap she ran to the top of the stairs and shouted, "Night night Mommy Washington DC!" And then as she was walking to her crib she said, "Mommy go on trip.  Mommy on a airplane."

Huh.  Well, if she can piece that together, maybe I can piece this together afterall.

Nope.  I just watched it a few times and was like, "Whatever" after about 40 seconds.  Good to know that Charlotte is not "whatever" about Emily, and is trying to sort out where her mom is.