Mistaken Identity

Last week Emily had a work happy hour an important meeting for work so she was not home for our dinner and bedtime routine.  Charlotte asked where Emily was once or twice and then went about her business.  I was making dinner when I heard Charlotte crying very loudly and sadly, "I WANT MY MOMMY!! I WANT MY MOMMY!"  I went into the living room uncertain how I could offer anything remotely comforting to her, as I would only be serving as a giant reminder that her mommy wasn't home.  And predicted Charlotte saw me and was even more insistent, demanding "I want my Mommy!"

But, there on the couch was Happy, babbling away holding some generic plastic female action figure type doll.  And that would be the mommy Charlotte wanted.  Well over 100 toys between the living room and the den, and she is crying frantically over some piece of crap doll she never showed specific interest in before.  But sure, now that Happy has it, Charlotte has deemed the doll as "my mommy," all in the name of a burgeoning sibling rivalry.  Now that is the kind of crisis I can ignore manage.

What I Do

This summer and fall was marked by me working a lot with running.  When I wasn't coaching the MDRA marathon training class I was coaching cross country at Washington.  In August there were was one week where there was a marathon class run on Saturday morning, an MDRA board meeting the following Monday night, cross country practice at Washington started that week at 10 a.m. every day, a marathon class run on Tuesday, a track night I host every other week on Thursday, and then the weekly Saturday morning run.  That's five MDRA runs or meeting and five Washington practices I had to be at, and stay married.

By the end of August, I had to confess to Emily that I had reached the end of my coaching rope.  Earlier in the summer and we had to kind of intensely talk out/negotiate if all this coaching was worth it.  The sacrifices Emily had to make while I was gone coaching go without saying and at the same time cannot be overstated.  I am not sure when (or if) I will coach a marathon training class again.  This spring I had to be coaxed out of MDRA coaching retirement by my friend Marty in the first place.

But coaching at Washington is a different story.  That is something I will do for as long as I can, until they kick me off the track.  It allows me to be so much more involved in my building and get to know so many new students I only see in passing if I see them at all.  And I get to be at the ground level of a sport I love.

But coaching the MDRA class was a challenge to get up for by August.  I always was able to.  Fortunately, there were so many things to keep me going: working closely with my good friends Deb and Marty, giving back to a sport that gave me so much, the enthusiasm, hard work, and camaraderie of the people in the class, and most importantly Charlotte.  Charlotte loves running.  And she loved to "help the runners with Daddy."  We would fill the water jugs together on Tuesday afternoons in the backyard and on Saturdays I would pick her up while the class did its long run and we would go check on the runners together at various points along the way, and she would run with Marty at the finish of the run... and then eat all the snacks we had laid out for the runners.  She especially liked the cookies and Goldfish.

Charlotte also noted"the blue water for the runners.  They like it."  This would be PowerAid Mountain Berry Blast which I usually made five to ten gallons worth of at each run.  It's an unnatural blue, with an unnatural smell, and an unnatural taste.  The kind of thing a two year old would love, but all summer she said wanted nothing to do with it.  She would say, "the blue water is for the runners.  The regular water is for Charlotte."

Anyway, a week before the Chicago marathon, class member made a video for her friends who were all running Chicago together.  A little background: we break the class into four pace groups.  The slowest group is the Terrapins (a name they chose themselves and they call themselves the Terps with pride).  They are longtime friends and very loyal to each other and our training classes, no matter who is coaching.  So Noelle made this video to celebrate.  The fact that Noelle was able to film and photo and then edit this into a four minute video speaks volumes to the depth of friendships running and this training program has produced.

Regardless, it tells the story of what the MDRA program is all about and why this summer was worth it for me, even if it is too much to do again for a long time.  One day, when Charlotte is older we can watch the video together and I can tell her that in her how special way, she played a small part in this class.  And that for sure makes everything worth it.

Waiting and Hiding

Yesterday afternoon I told Charlotte that Emily was coming home and Charlotte said she wanted to go outside to wait.  We spent a good chunk of yesterday outside soaking up the advent of spring.

During this particular sortie to the backyard, she walked around and played with the dog and then kicked snow for a bit before then sitting on the steps singing to herself for a long time.  I was making dinner, watching from the kitchen. Eventually I got a chance to go out to talk to her while the sauce simmered on the stove.

The camera froze up in a few spots early on so it skips around two or three times, but it's more annoying than anything else.  We talk about singing, Emily coming home, and then Charlotte decides she wants to hide around the corner like she saw Pancho doing.

Overheard, Exhibit F

Emily is in Washington DC with her sister until tomorrow.  A couple of times on Saturday Charlotte said, "Mommy working."  So I explained to her that Emily was actually in Washington D.C.  She found this explanation to be as acceptable as I do when someone explains something to me over my head but I know to take them at their word (theory of relativity anyone?).

The final step to Charlotte's bedtime routine is to run to the top of the stairs and shout "Night night Mommy!" So Saturday night she did that out of habit and I reminded her that Emily was in DC and she said, "Oh" kind of like how I would say "Oh" if someone told me that time and space are relative.

Since then, Charlotte has been true to her routine but notes her mom's absence.  She will typically shout night night to whatever animal is not in the room with us or when my friend Nathan was over Sunday night, she just shouted at him.

But today for her afternoon nap she ran to the top of the stairs and shouted, "Night night Mommy Washington DC!" And then as she was walking to her crib she said, "Mommy go on trip.  Mommy on a airplane."

Huh.  Well, if she can piece that together, maybe I can piece this together afterall.

Nope.  I just watched it a few times and was like, "Whatever" after about 40 seconds.  Good to know that Charlotte is not "whatever" about Emily, and is trying to sort out where her mom is.

Happy Birthday Us!

Our anniverary celebration could be something out of Gift of the Magi as the money tree is pretty light right now.  Luckily I have no hair and no fancy watch, which means I can't be either charachter in the story, making a literal recreation of the story impossible.  But as spartan as our anniversary will be, it should still be marked.

It used to be that the highlight of my day was seeing Emily when I got home from a long workday.  But things change in nine years and that really isn't true anymore.  Instead it's when Emily and Charlotte come down in the morning together and say good morning to me.

I am both a night owl and a morning person and Emily is neither.  Charlotte is following in her footsteps.  So Emily ends up waking up when Charlotte does.  Sleep is a thief so I have already been up for awhile, probably got my morning run in, and am working on breakfast.  And it's pretty great to see those two ladies come into the kitchen and we are all happy to see one another.

Of course this blog post is nothing more than a time stamp and these casual happy mornings will change as our family evolves, Charlotte grows, and life's demands change.  But moments like these, no matter the shape, form, or context, will be omnipresent and will reinforce to me just how happy I am to be with Emily and that we can work through anything.  I don't need an anniversary to remind of that.  But on days like today I am reminded of the end of a song called "Babe," by a husband and wife band called Blue Mountain out of Oxford, MS, who I think hung up their guitars years ago.

One time, like in 1997, I went to their show at the 400 Bar in Minneapolis and my friends and I got there an hour before the doors opened but the bartender let us in anyway.  My friends and I got to have a beer and watch the band warm up while the husband and wife's black lab ran around the bar.  A marraige almost as awesome as an Epidemiologist married to a Speech Language Pathologist.  It was pretty cool.  But I digress.

"And when your hair turns blue
I wanna rock out on the porch with you
Look at the kids, they're wizzing by
Looking for a thrill
God knows we're not perfect yet
One things for sure I got no regrets,
Let's stay together for ever and ever,
Come on and say you will."

-Blue Mountain

Happiest Baby on the Block

Actually, Charlotte was the only baby on the block until a few weeks ago.  But seriously, she is a very happy baby.  She loves to play, and eat, and talk, and take a bath, and go for walks, and read books.

Superbaby!  

Any self-respecting child born in the aughties needs to know about digital self-portraits.

Me, with my new bifocals.  I am officially old.

Drumroll Please!

 As if it was so hard.  Once I had all the baby pictures lined up, they didn't exactly look like clones of each other.

Mike

Emily

Charlotte

Charlotte sporting the outfit that I wore home from the hospital when I was born.

Guess Who?

 

When Charlotte was born, the doctor said, "she has dad's eyes and mom's face shape."  We thought Charlotte looked a lot Mike, especially the eyes and mouth.  My mom kept insisting she looked like me, but  we figured she was not being objective.  Then she brought over some of my baby pictures and some of them could have been pictures of Charlotte.  So, I wanted to line up baby pictures of me, Mike, and Charlotte.  For fun, I dressed Charlotte in the outfit that I wore home from the hospital so that everyone is wearing clothes from the 70's.  Can you tell who's who?

Sisters

One of the best things about being pregnant was that I got to share the whole thing with my sister.  She was pregnant with twins and our due dates were 3 weeks apart.  When we both found out we were having girls, I was so excited!  We grew up with a close clan of female cousins, and I always imagined the same for my own kids.  Since she had two kids already, I could ask her all my stupid pregnancy questions and we could share protein shake recipes and pregnancy complaints. 

Of course, we also had some fun photos together.

Me 24 weeks, Jess 27 weeks

Me 29 weeks, Jess 32 weeks

At first, my mom was worried we would have our babies on the same day at different hospitals.  That seemed completely ridiculous!  She was having twins and would probably have them early so the births would be over a month apart.  I would be able to help her out with her newborns weeks before I had my baby.  Then, I was on bedrest and my sister, pregnant with twins, was coming over to make me lunch.  Nobody expected her to make to full term with twins and that I would deliver >6 weeks early .  We gave birth a mere 3 days apart!  Now we can barely find time to talk on the phone with eachother, but once these baby girls are a little older they are going to have so much fun growing up together and making trouble.  Here are their first fun photos together.

Bailey, Charlotte, and Netta.

Charlotte's First Walk*

*and Emily's first walk since early August.

Now that we all live under one roof, I am on paternity leave, and we found the cord to upload our photos from the digital camera, I have the time and means to get caught up with the blog.  As a result, I just cranked out five posts to get caught up with news from the last week.  Also, Emily posted a picture this morning.  So that's six posts on one day.  Sorry for the onslaught of posts.  I guess when blogging, I pace myself the same way Charlotte does when feeding off the bottle.  Glug glug glug glug glug glug.  Post post post...

We made it the river and back.  Good for a one mile round trip.  Charlotte stayed warm.  Emily stayed energetic.  And Pancho stayed patient.  Right after this picture, we bumped into one of Emily's co-worker, who is a pediatrician.  He had no concerns.

Three of my favorite living beings (Pancho, Charlotte, and Emily--not that guy on a bike although I'm sure he's good people too).   Doesn't Emily look great?  In a week winter will make it's debut so we are going to get out with Charlotte as much as we can this week.

Sleeping Beauties

I love how Charlotte ALWAYS sleeps with her arms in a "stick 'em up!" position.  I also love that Emily is no longer ALWAYS wearing this pink hoodie.  Emily said on Tuesday when Charlotte was still in the NICU, "I have to wear this hoodie everyday, otherwise Charlotte won't know who I am."

Look But Don't Touch

Ben came over to visit Charlotte before he went to work.  Charlotte's immune system needs a little time before she can be handled by anyone besides me and Emily.  We take Charlotte to her first pediatrician's appointment tomorrow and will get some more clarity about how social Charlotte can be.  All early answers point to a reclusive winter for the three of us.

So it was nice to see Ben.  He brought us some honeycrisps and his camera.  Here are the fruits of his labor.

Charlotte is now strong enough that we probably don't need to hold her up with one hand anymore, but it's hard not to.

Charlotte's present feeding pattern is to sleep for three hours, and then eat and nap on and off for two hours.  Ben showed up during a 20 minute power nap during one of her feeding times.  She comes by it honestly: no one has a bigger reputation for taking longer to eat than her father.

 

 

Needed: Pictures

Sorry that we don't have any pictures up.  Maybe Emily can take some with her smart phone.  Here is what is new with us:

• Emily is now driving which means she is no longer living in the hospital.  We are still here quite a bit of course, so we can help with feedings and the other cares.
• Charlotte continues to do well and is steadily gaining weight and eating more and more on her own.
• Pancho had diarrhea.
• Emily still doesn't like the cats.
• One day in the NICU there were no other parents there.  Just us and the nurses which is rare.  We overheard some funny conversations from the staff.  One nurse told the baby she was taking care of, "I'm going to wake you up and shove this up your butt" (she was talking about giving a baby a suppository).  Later the nurses were talking about the same baby who, as ordered by the doctor, had to sleep on her belly.  So they discussed if you can poop while laying on your belly and one nurse was quick to point out, "I have no experience with that."  That got a good laugh from everyone.
• Charlotte is awake a lot more.  She even was alert for a whole hour with me as I held her.  That was pretty cool.
• She stuck her tongue out for the first time today which is probably interesting to the co-authors of this blog.
• She passed her sensorineural hearing screening.  I just had to throw in the sensorineural part to justify the two audiology classes I had to take in grad school.
• We made a Target to run to buy all the baby supplies most people have BEFORE the baby is born.
• One of my favorite 30 minutes of my life was a few nights ago when I swear Charlotte was looking right into my eyes when I spoke to her.  I know this is common for all parents and usually happens on day one.  But for us, it has come on day 15, and I am not 100% certain she was responding to my voice.  Even so, the possibility that she was is pretty freaking awesome.
• My friends John, Steve, Jen, Ashley, and Greg pitched in on bought us groceries online to be delivered from our house.  The kicker?  They live either in Kentucky, Texas, or Colorado.  Virtual shopping.  Pretty awesome and much love to those five elitist bastards.

Charlotte will probably be here another week or two.   She has to get strong enough to sit in a car seat for two hours (they test her here in the hospital) and get 100% of her nutrition orally.  We're not there yet and continue to go one day at a time.

Family Feud #67123

Emily and I bickered had a debate in the parking garage of Fairview Southdale Hospital parking ramp.

Was Doogie Howser, M.D. a sitcom or not?

Emily says it was, in the spirit of any other "good clean family sitcom show" like Blossom.

I say no way.  It was trying to be a quirky show more like Twin Peaks and Moonlighting that you can't put in a box.

Who is right?

Family Portrait #3

Charlotte is two weeks old as of yesterday.  Actually, she's negative four weeks according to something called gestational age.  This leads to some confusing situations.

Last night Emily and I came in from a date night at Culver's after visiting hours.  This means we have to go past security to get back to our room.  Actually, the security guard was the first to be confused.  I explained to the security guard that our daughter was a patient in Labor and Delivery and we were taking care of her.  And he said, "Oh did your daughter deliver a girl or a boy?"  Fine, I get it.  We are old to be parents to a newborn, but we're not THAT old.

So after finally sorting that mess out, he wanted to know how old Charlotte was.  And there was this long pause and I could sense that Emily was trying to figure out how to explain to this guy gestational age vs. chronological age.  So I just jumped in and said "She's two weeks old," which satisfied his quest for knowledge.

But it was somewhat illustrative to how wrapped up in your own little world you can become as a parent.  I easily forget that people I don't know well, or at all, are just happy for me and Emily because it reminds them of their own journey as a parent.  The details of NICUs, CPAPs, negative ages, and car seat tests really are not important and trying to explain it takes too much time.  So it's easier to leave all that out, but hard to remember to do that when you are so wrapped up in the moment.

Anyway, in the two weeks we've been with Charlotte, I noticed there are a lot more pictures of me holding Charlotte than Emily holding her.  That's because I'm not nursing or pumping.  So I made a point to get a few pictures of Emily and Charlotte last night that wouldn't spark the whole "Is it okay to nurse in public?" debate.

Below is our third family portrait and the first since Charlotte graduated to the "Big kids' side of the NICU" as one of the nurses called it.

Proud Parent

My daughter is an honor's student at Fairview Special Care Nursery School.

For Archival Purposes

Here are email updates that Mike sent to our families during Charlotte's first days (before we started this blog).  I pasted them together here for archival purposes.

_______________________________________________
From:  Michael Nawrocki
To:  halfdrunkcanofpop
Date:  October 5, 2010 3:09 PM
Subject:  Happy Birthday

Charlotte James Nawrocki
5 lbs 3 ounces, 18 1/2 inches
12:23 p.m.

Emily did great.  C-section birth ordered by the doctor around 9 a.m. Ben was with us and got some beautiful pictures.  Emily is recovering nicely and Charlotte is in the Special Care Nursery on a CPAP machine to keep her lung pressure at a level where the alveoli can stay inflated, but otherwise she is breathing on her own.  So she is having a tad difficulty breathing but this is pretty standard stuff for a baby born at 33 weeks, 6 days.

Pictures to follow.

So Charlotte won the race against her cousins, which we really wanted her to lose but, who cares?  She is beautiful and in the hands of some of the best medical practitioners in the world. And I almost lost a race myself.  On the way over I thought I'd take Shepard Road as a shortcut to get to Crosstown.  But at 35E and Shepard Road traffic was a at a standstill.  I was pinned with an 18 wheeler behind me and to the left of me and a Schwann's delivery guy in front of me.  I waited there for 45 minutes.  I got out and walked up to what was going on. Joe Biden was on his way to the airport and no one could pass until he went by.  He was in town to stump for So there we sat.  I thought, "If Joe Biden makes it so I miss my baby's birth, I am definitely voting for Tom Horner this fall!!!"

_______________________________________________
From:  Michael Nawrocki
To:  halfdrunkcanofpop
Date:  October 5, 2010 3:16 PM
Subject:  Re:  Happy Birthday

p.s.
Full head of black hair.  Long toes.  Allegedly she has her father's eyes, but we can't confirm that because they are always closed. I miss her.  Think I'll ditch Emily for awhile and see how Charlotte is doing.  Feels weird and great actually calling her by a real name.

_______________________________________________
From:  Michael Nawrocki
To:  halfdrunkcanofpop
Date:  October 7, 2010 12;25 PM
Subject:  Charlotte Update

Charlotte is doing GREAT!!!!!!!!  After a trial run of taking her of the CPAP yesterday (and replacing it with a cannula)  failed, last night was spent getting her back to equilibrium.  She did great through the night and they tried again this morning right as we walked in late this morning.  They took out the CPAP and put in a cannula. And this time it took.  She stayed calm and her breathing and blood O2 sats stayed well over 90% (the goal), so they let us hold her.  Highlights:

1. We saw her open her eyes for the first time and she looked right as us when we talked to her.
2. We both got to hold her.
3. I changed my first diaper ever with a lot of help form the nurse.
4. She took her first feeding of Emily's breast milk.  Emily has been pumping every three hours and they have been storing it up for this moment. And they feed through a tube.

Video and pics to follow sometime between now and when Charlotte turns 18.

_______________________________________________
From:  Michael Nawrocki
To:  halfdrunkcanofpop
Date:  October 7, 2010 2:34 PM
Subject:  Emily Update

Both Ben and Beth have asked for updates on Emily.  Emily is doing awesome.  We have ditched the wheelchair and she walks to and from the nursery slowly but easily.  Her husband needs to be retrained because he keeps walking at normal speed.  Then I'll hear this "okay bye" and I turn around and she's ten yards back.

Physically there is still pain but nothing unusual.  For someone who whines about people on the radio in the morning (or any time of day, she would like me to correct), she sure is one tough lady. Emotionally, she is super happy.  So am I.

_______________________________________________
From:  Michael Nawrocki
To:  halfdrunkcanofpop
Date: October 9, 2010 9:13 PM
Subject: Re:  Cottage conference thought

Just as a heads up, I am not sure how many visitors Charlotte would be able to see.  Charlotte's immunity will not be up to snuff when we take her home.  Exactly what that means in terms of who can visit and how often remains to be seen.  We are taking this one day at a time and will keep everyone posted on that.  The possibilities range from no restrictions to a lot of restrictions.

I hope it's okay if I hijack this thread to briefly say Charlotte is doing great.  She is breathing on her own and off the IV.  She still needs the light for jaundice prevention and she still needs support to maintain her body temperature.  She now only has one tube in her, an NG tube for feeding.  Two days ago they gave Charlotte 5 cc of Emily's milk to see if she could tolerate it.  When I left tonight after her last feeding, she took 35 cc. Emily is getting to the point where she can keep up with the the demand, in tems of what she can supply.

Emily is kicking ass too,  She had a good day today.  Her soreness post-surgery persists and she is not overly fond of living at Fairview Southdale.  But we both agree it is worth it.

No word on when Charlotte comes home,  She has to be nursing independently and pass a carseat test.  So we are on her schedule.  Like I said, we go one day at a time.

_______________________________________________
From:  Michael Nawrocki
To:  halfdrunkcanofpop
Date: October 10, 2010 2:00 PM
Subject: Re:  Charlotte Update

Update #3
Things continue to progress nicely for both Emily and Charlotte.

Beginning with Charlotte,
1. Her biliruben (or however you spell it) count is back to normal so
no more blue light for now and hopefully forever.
2. She and Emily worked on learning how to nurse for the first time this morning.  Charlotte latched a few times which exceeded expectations for a first time trial.  The two ladies will have their second practice this evening.  We used to two-a-days in college for track and cross country.  Quite frankly, those workouts seem a lot easier than the work Emily and Charlotte go through.

Emily...
1. Has a swollen ankle which she researched thoroughly and learned is normal post-pregnancy. But it was pretty painful and stiff through the night and improving today.
2. Had some issues with expressing milk but thanks in part to Jessie's nurse and mostly to a nurse we had here, Emily learned a few tricks of the trade to make things work and now she is doing a great job.  This is a huge relief both mentally and physically (literally) for Emily. And that is really the most I want to talk about my wife's mammary glands with everyone.  Bottom line is she is 100% happier today than she was 24 hours ago.

A Catalog of Thanks

As I wrote the last post and reflected on the insanity that was the last two months of Emily's pregnancy, I was reminded just how impossible our ability to function would be without the help of others.  To accept so much help from others, initially, was a very hard thing for me to do.  But that doesn't make me any less grateful for all the love and support we have received.  And I have to remind myself, if the shoe were on the other foot, I would be just as eager to help.  So many people to thank!

• The cousins and aunts who painted our bedroom and Charlotte's bedroom.
• Zach who assembled Charlotte's crib with me (actually I did him a favor because he gets boners when he assembles IKEA furniture).  Zach also helped me restore Emily's old dresser to working order for Charlotte. 
• Doug and Erin who have taken Pancho off of our hands time and time again so I can focus on being with Emily (and eventually Emily and Charlotte).
• Erin also cleaned the house and sorted the baby clothes for us.  But like Zach, we were doing her a favor.  Organizing and cleaning gives Erin lady boners.
• My mom and sisters for helping host a shower for Emily and traveling all the way up from Texas for the occasion.
• Maureen and Angie for co-hosting as well.  Maureen hosted the shower in her home.
• Nathan for bringing us Potbelly sandwiches a few days after Charlotte's birth.
• Emily's mom for bringing food for Emily and just being herself.
• All the people who gave us gifts at Emily's shower.
• Nathan, Kirk, and Marty for organizing a Finn Shower for Dudes, which may go down in history as the most inappropriate shower ever.
• Emily's cousins Cait and Amy who made us two huge batches of excellent soup.
• Emily's mom cooked some spaghetti soup for me one night.
• My mom bought a library of books for Charlotte to grow up with.
• My niece Sophia and nephew Calvin both made homemade books for Charlotte back when she was just a future cousin in utero.
• My other niece Hannah is knitting Charlotte a scarf.
• As I type this, Emily's aunt Deb and her cousin Laurie are coming over with roast beef sandwiches.
• Bob and Jules made us some homemade mac and cheese freeze and store. 
• Laurie sent us so many supplies for Charlotte, like a car seat, swing, bassinet, and many other things.  Then Deb called on her mad Rubik's cube skills and assembled the bassinet and swing with no instructions, but the help of Cait and Amy.  Take that Zach!
• Emily's friend Missy bought Emily some slippers, nice shower gel, and an Eyebrow Wax Lady came to the hospital to beautify her.
• Emily's sister was amazing.  While toting twins in her belly (that came out three days after Charlotte) she cooked for us and visited Emily in the hospital whenever she could.  No small feat for a mother of two.
• Ben took those stunning pictures of Charlotte's birth that are priceless to us. 
• Also, one day Emily's work computer crapped out and Ben first brought her one of his old computers so she could stay online in the hospital, and then he took her broken computer to Emily's workplace to get fixed.  No small feat for a father of two with a wife pregnant with twins.
• Emily's friends Rachel and Kate took Emily to lunch.  Just giving Emily a chance to escape the hospital for a few hours is a huge relief to her.
• My employer has been incredibly supportive through all this.  So has Emily's.
• The staff I work with has been great too.  From asking questions and offering to support, to giving gifts, including tea for lactation, molasses to prevent anemia, books for bedrest, and the proverbial "I LOVE MY DADDY SOOOOO MUCH" onesie.
• The Longleys brought us Blizzards and ribs.
• Maureen brought us candy corn and Leann Chin.  
• My sisters and mom are sponsoring a cleaning lady for our house.
• This summer I was coaching a marathon training class and my co-coaches Anne and Marty were very understanding, as was the whole class, the times I had to bail on a practice at the last second.
• Emily's step-mom gave Emily some much needed fresh fruit in the form of honeycrisp apples.
• Zander and Julie brought us a whole homemade dinner (including leftovers that I used for lunch) and the entertainment of their son Jin, of Jin Quote du Jour fame.
• Paul and Karen came to visit and two days later, Charlotte was born.  Karen brought some magazines to make Emily's bedrest more tolerable.  And typical Professor fashion, Paul took a copy of the day's paper from the front desk.
• At least three different moms gave us complete sets of baby clothes that they no longer needed.
• Our friend Heidi had a daughter at 34 weeks and visited Emily to reassure her that things would be okay and told her what to expect.
• Angie brought Emily her favorite State Fair food (now being sold in downtown Minneapolis), World's Greatest Turkey Sandwich.  
• Maureen and Bill brought us Stress Free Crosswords which Emily and I did together quite a bit to pass the time.
• My friend John, whose son was born the same day as Charlotte, gave me a book, The Survival Guide for First Time Dads.  And yes, I need it.
• I run with John, as well as Greg and Nick.  All of us have wives who are expecting or already delivered this fall.  In 16 years we will be one runner away from having a  pretty good co-ed cross country team.
• Emily's friend Kate brought "Cashew Trail Mix" which I call "Devils' Mix."  You eat one bite and you are condemned to eating the whole container because it is THAT good.
• Emily's aunt Nancy then brought another canister of the Devil's Mix upon request.  I first accidentally typed "upon regret."  Which is how you feel after 30 minutes of eating the cashew, M&M, Milk Dud combo.
• Jen was visiting from Grinnell and gave Emily some magazines and homemade pumpkin muffins.
• Emily for being Emily.

The list is impressive in its quality and length.  Here is how I can summarize it the best.  Last Friday was garbage and recycling day.  I always budget an extra ten minutes before leaving on recycling day because you never know what hiccup I may come across as I gather and take out the recycling.  

Well first I went to get the trash bins and push them to the edge of the driveway so the garbage man would take them.  Both bins were empty.  In one week I had accumulated no trash.  

Then I went to get the recycling out of the basement.  None there.  Maybe I already transferred it to the garage.  Nope.  None there either.  In TWO weeks, I had accumulated nothing that needed to be recycled.  

Holy crap.  That just shows you how ungrounded I had become.  "It's upside down and backwards; the foot's on the other shoe," to quote James McMurtry.  And yet I am healthy, eating three square meals a day, and able to  make to the hospital everyday to be with Charlotte and Emily and we know we can finish off getting the house Charlotte Ready.  That last sentence could not be true without the love and support we have received from everyone.  

Charlotte is blessed to be born into such a caring network of family and friends.

The Eye of the Hurricane

I wonder if for a lot of families who have a "normal"pregnancy (if there is such a thing), there is a calm before the storm before the birth of their first child.  You get the nursery set up, the baby gear  is purchased, the showers thank you cards are sent out, and then you just wait excitedly.  I'm sure it's not really like that, but that's how I imagine it.

Well if that is the case, I think Emily and I right now are in the eye of a hurricane.  Our August and September was a storm of stress and isolation for both of us, and for me flash floods of mess and a desire to cut myself in three so I could be in multiple places at once.

And then Charlotte was born.

And sure, my life is still split between work, making sure the pets don't die of neglect and the house doesn't burn down, and spending my evenings with Emily and helping take care of Charlotte.  And Emily is in the hospital with Charlotte around the clock.  She has slept in our house a total two nights over the last month.   I haven't shopped for groceries in over a month or cooked a meal.

So things aren't easy, but they are relatively calm.  Emily and I get to spend a lot of time together.  The threat of delivering a fragile baby has passed.  Any worry we have is quickly addressed by one of the awesome NICU nurses helping Charlotte (and helping us).

And Emily and I have had some great moments together in some of the oddest places.  Kids do change everything, including when and where these moments take place.  Like a breakfast of oatmeal and yogurt in the hospital cafeteria almost like an outing for us.  Or on Friday night I slept in the hospital in a chair that folded out to a twin bed so uncomfortable, it reminded me of the 50 year-old beds at Emily's cottage.  But it was so great to wake up in the same room as Emily and Charlotte was only a short walk away.

So here we sit in the eye of the hurricane.  We're trying to recover from the last two months of insanity.  We are not a complete family yet, but we are getting closer and Emily and I are as close as we have ever been, despite the geography that separates us.  And we're still a little stressed about what is on the other side of the storm when Charlotte comes home.

But for now I try to soak up the calm, no matter how hard it is.

Charlotte's Birth Story

On Monday October 4, I had an ultrasound to measure the amniotic fluid and it was low.  My doctor said that she'd repeat the next day and if it was still low we'd deliver.  Well, she said that a bunch of times and it didn't happen so I didn't take her seriously.  I didn't even mention it to Mike that night.  The next morning, my doctor came in at 5am on her rounds and told me again that if the fluid was low this would be the day and she told me not to eat breakfast. Well, we'd been through this before, so I didn't bother to call Mike.  At about 9 am, I had the ultrasound and the fluid was still low.  The nurse said that they could get me in the OR for a c-section at 11:30am.  I was not prepared - I had some loose ends to tie up!  I wasn't completely mentally prepared either. I knew we would be having her early, but not >6 weeks early!  So, I called Mike and hastily emailed a few people at work.  The nurse kept coming in to start prepping me for surgery, and I'd say, "I need ten more minutes!"  Then, Mike called and he was stuck in traffic.  Joe Biden was at Macalester giving a talk and the road was closed for his safety.  He was worried that he wouldn't get there in time, but the nurse said they wouldn't start without him.  I called my sister.  My brother-in-law, Ben, had offered to come take pictures so he was on his way.  The nurse started prepping me for surgery and packing up my stuff since I would be moving from an antepartum (my home the last two weeks) room to a postpartum room. 

Ben got there before Mike since he didn't have to deal with the Joe Biden traffic.  Mike arrived and put on his scrubs.  He looked so cute!  Then the nurse said we would walk down to the OR.  What!?  After 2 weeks being confined to bedrest, I was going to walk down the hall!?!  As we were walking down the hall, I had to ask them to slow down because I couldn't keep up.  Even though the childbirth class instructor came and talked to us for almost 2 hours one night, and we knew what to expect, I was really nervous.  I mean, holy crap!  We were going to have a baby in 20 minutes! 

I went in the OR without them and they gave me the epidural and strapped my arms to the table (did you know they do that?  It's instinct to reach out to grab the baby and that would compromise the sterile field) and the guys came in. It didn't hurt, but I felt lots of pulling and tugging. After <15 minutes the doctor pulled Charlotte out.  I heard her cry and it was the most amazing moment.  She was here!  And she was OK!  Crying meant she was breathing!  My doctor said, "say hi!" and lifted her up to the curtain for a split second and all I saw was the top of her head.  Mike could see everything and he just kept saying, "she's so beautiful, she's so beautiful." 

Because Charlotte was a preemie, I knew that I wouldn't get to hold her right away since the neonatologists would take her away for assessment.  During this part, Ben came over and showed me the pictures on his camera, the first time I got to get a good look at her.  Charlotte was breathing on her own, but then she stopped and was in respiratory distress.  Ben had to leave and Mike was with Charlotte. I don't know what was happening while they finished stitching me up, Mike can tell that part of the story.  While I was in recovery, Mike and Ben were in the Special Care Nursery with Charlotte and took more pictures and came back to show me. 

Having Ben come to take pictures was so wonderful.  The nurse had told Ben that he wasn't allowed in the OR, but he would not take no for an answer and kept asking until she said it was up to the anesthesiologist and he was fine with it.  So, Ben got some scrubs.  It was really cool to share such an important day with him.  It also allowed me to see what was going on throughout the whole thing.

Once I was recovered I was wheeled through the nursery to see her for the first time and I put my finger in her hand she grabbed my finger.  She is amazing and beautiful and we are in love.

our first family photo